Monday, April 13, 2020

How to Make a Face Mask with velcro opening.

First let me just say, I am not a fan of the face mask.  I do not like things touching my face, it's one of the reasons why I have about a million gaiters for the snow, and I never ever wear any of them.

But, before anyone gets their knickers in a twist..    yes, they are now mandatory, and yes, I will wear one during my limited time in public (which is now going to get even more limited.. because uh facemasks.)   If you need me, I'll be the person social distancing in my back yard, annoying the neighbors by playing my favorite albums from Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.

Without further complaints, I give you my pattern for Face Masks which actually has a velco pocket in it so you can put added filter material. They say using a hepa vacuum filter adds a good deal of protection (go for it!) or a coffee filter, or added material, what ever you find clever.  My mask just makes it easier for you to get the stuff in and out.

Supplies:
Fabric - cotton (read the CDC website if you need more info)
Elastic -
Velcro Dots - (or other velcro - up to you.)
Thread & Needle  or a sewing machine
Iron & Ironing Board.

1) Cut a piece of paper (for your pattern, either 9"x 6" or 10" x 7" depending on how big your face is.)


2) Lay the pattern on your fabric, but lay it on a fold (this makes one less thing you have to sew together.



3) Iron down the long edges 1/4" inch


4) Stitch down each of the edges.  This will later be your velcro pocket.

5) Line up your pieces of elastic.   I find that 6" works better for the 10 x 7 and 7" for the 9 x 6.

6) Flip over your folded top portion and stitch down both the sides to secure the elastic.  I like to do this twice to make it extra secure.


7) Flip the now little purse looking thing right side out.



8) Iron the sucker flat.

9) Fold it in half and iron it again.

10) open it and fold each side into the middle.   Iron it. 


11) Open it up and look at your pleats. Admire them. Then pinch them together down towards the open part. 



12) Stitch over both sides twice to secure the pleats. & Stitch across the top once because it's lonely and wants a little decoration.


13) Attach the velcro dots onto the original seams you made at the bottom of the mask.  Press together tightly to bond to glue.  If you are worried put a few stitches into them. But the glue usually gums up the machine.  If you press them with the iron to heat them up, you will get a good solid staying velcro that will last through many washes. 


14) Fill with your filter material of choice - make sure you use proper CDC guidelines and all that happy stuff for putting on and taking off your mask.   

** Note** either size will fit the N95 mask inside it if you need it to.

I'd say enjoy, but there isn't really anything joyous about sewing PPE....   so stay safe and be well.



Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Shrimp Proctologist


In the midst life shutdown 2020 (Covid-19) I found that I have a new life skill, which I am not sure I want to put on my resume, but certainly fun enough to tell ya'll about. 

Yesterday I went to the Mexican Market to purchase provisions.  I am a huge fan of their meat market.  I get most of my meat there, and often they have great deals on seafood.    Case in point, Shrimp was $3.49 a pound last night.

The trade off of amazingly fresh shrimp for a great price is the fact that they aren't really "prepared" as many of us are having done prior to purchase.  These little lovelies had their heads chopped off but nothing else.   

I decided to make Air Fryer Shrimp with them, and dredge them my amazing Winco Chicken Fry Batter.... 

But before I could do that, I needed to pop the skins off.   Which wasn't really hard to do.  In doing that, I realized that this particular group of shrimp were um... full of shit.   Now I know some people don't care about shrimp poop, but personally, I can't do that.  I like the butterfly look too,  so I pulled out the paring knife and went to work....

The Bottom ones are waiting for the proctologist.

It only takes a couple to get it down, you take a paring knife and trace down their little spines, then take your nail, and flip the two parts open and rinse under water.     Not rocket science.   I did 3 pounds of them, giggling the entire time telling each of the shrimps that it would just take a second, and yelling "next" as I picked up my next patient.

After finishing all of them, I dipped them in an egg wash, and then tossed them into the Winco batter, and popped into the airfryer.

and here is what the finished product looked like. 

The Finished Product.

They were quite delicious, we ate them artichokes, which was also good but not photo worthy.

We also had Ceviche which I made from the beautiful basa from the Mexican Market which was photo worthy. 



And I paired it with Ruby Shoes - a cocktail from Napa Valley Distillery.

You take 2 oz of the Makrut Lime Brandy, 1/2 oz NVD Red Raspberry Shrub, 1/2 oz Lime Juice and a few drops of Orange Bitters,  Shaken.  Which I did, but I then put it over ice, because that's how I prefer it.


and... due to the Shelter in Place... we had dinner, and drinks, and the kitchen was cleaned up by by 6:03 p.m.   Gonna make me into an early bird.

Make(ing) Up for Lost Time


I have a confession. For someone who has spent 90% of her adult life, on a daily basis wearing little more than tinted moisturizer, chapstick and mascara, I am obsessed with make up.

It's a weird obsession, because I don't really like learning how to put it on, or actually wearing it for that matter. For example, I think I own like 15 different types of highlighter and 3+ contour kits, and I don't have the faintest clue what the fuck to do with any of it.  That said, I am still obsessed with buying different palates of things, and um, well, stuffing them into a drawer, waiting for a rainy day to try them out. 

I figure my make up ownership is kinda like exercise equipment.  Owning it should usurp the need to use it, and by merely owning it, magically, I'll be slimmer, trimmer, stronger, just on the principle of ownership.  With make up, owning it magically removes lines and creases around my eyes and forehead, and moisturizes my skin, giving me a more youthful appearance, and of course automatically makes my eyes appear larger, and lashes thicker and fuller.... ah!  the magic of ownership!

Yeah, yeah, it's faulty logic, but it's my faulty logic.

Anyway,  I have decided as part of the work/life balancing project of Shelter in Place thanks to Covid-19, that my rainy day has arrived.  Yes, that's right.  I have decided to bust out much of the make up that has been waiting patiently for me to try it, and see what it's like.

So this is my fair warning to everyone out there.  If you see me at the grocery store looking like something from Fraggle Rock.  Don't worry, I'm just experimenting, and likely forgot I put it on before stepping out of the house.

 I don't know if I'll get through the crazy extensive inventory - but it's worth a shot.   Maybe I will even develop a method to the madness so I can describe how I applied it when something works out in the positive (or what ever).  And I'll try to put links to stuff in here too, in case anyone wants to try something out as well.

Stay tuned!


Adventures in Make Up - March 22, 2020 - Day 1


Make Up Adventure Day 1



Wow. that is a hell of a lot of make up for me. 

Before any make up went onto my skin, I had to "prep" it, with skin care stuff....

I started out with Passport Tibetan Goji Berry Anti-Aging Eye Serum
Then, I applied Youth to the People, Kale + Spinach Green Tea Hyaluronic Acid


Next up was Lancome Visionnaire Advanced Skin Corrector



Then I started working on the actual make up part.

Up first Concealer for under my eyes.   Today's choice It Bye Bye Under Eye


The package says that it's full coverage, Anti-Aging Waterproof concealer.   It did take way some of the darkness, but I think it caked a little in my lines.   I will need to figure this out more.   I'm sure there is a "how to" in my future.

Next came Covergirl CG Smoothers, Hydrating Makeup Foundation.

Usually I use a tinted moisturizer from CG, but sometimes you need a little more coverage, and I bought this a while ago, and never used it.  So it's officially "in the mix".

It was a bit thick, so I had to "bounce it" on my skin using the original beauty blender

Next up, I decided to try a Shimmer Bronzer in place of blush.  Hikari Shimmer Bronzer - color is Flush

This is absolutely an item that I need a tutorial on.  I have no clue how to properly use it. It's also has a hell of a lot of shimmer.  Maybe too much for me.



Next up.  Coconut Balm Dot Com by Glossier

I use the untinted, and this isn't a "new" experimental product for me - this is something that is a staple for me, and usually goes on every morning after I brush my teeth and before I do anything else.

Then I lined my lips using Lord & Berry Nude Lip Liner #3035
which is something I never do... but thought I should give it a go.


To be honest, when I first got this pencil, I thought it was for my eyebrows... it sat for months before I realized that it's a lip liner.   Cool color by the way.

And to fill in my lips... NYX Butter Lipstick in Lifeguard
and I rarely, if ever wear lipstick... so this was sort of an experience also.   I thought the color would be much darker than it actually turned out. (Happy surprise!)



Then it was time to apply my eye shadow primer.   This is also a staple for me on days when  I do wear eyeshadow, because it seems to smudge off, and using a primer sets it.  I am a long time fan girl of Urban Decay Eye Primer - Enigma

I use another color too(which I'm blanking on but I'm sure will surface in upcoming posts) this is just the basic color one, which may or may not have a new name at this point.


In an attempt to be "fancy"  eyeliner was also a must.   Today's pick  Ciate Fierce Flicks Liquid Liner
I have had pretty good luck with this stuff.  Not quite as water proof as Urban Decay's (which will make an appearance soon) but pretty happy with it.



Then I spread various colors about on my eye lids from the Doucce Nude Eye Finish Pro Palette
I tested out Amanda (84) Natalie (90) Ariana (80) and Aspen (79) and then used a little bit of the Solstice (3) to round it out.

To make sure my effort wasn't wasted, I spritzed on some Tarte Stay Spray

I am actually pretty familiar with finishing sprays, however I recently switched to Tarte from Urban Decay... I'm not 100% sure I like it as much as All Nighter from Urban Decay, but I have two bottles of it from one of my make up subscriptions, so I figure I better use it.   So far, so good.  But the weather hasn't been warm.

And then last but not least, I finished off with mascara.  Todays pick. Urban Decay Troublemaker


I am a long time lover of Urban Decay Mascara, but I have to say.. THIS ONE SUCKS.   The box claims that it is sex proof. Bah!  It's not even mild hot flash proof.     Still, I am trying to use it up. I typically use a different wand that I love to try to spread my lashes, as this clumps and is not user friendly.

And one final shot..... And no laughing at my hair.  Given the Shelter in Place order, I  have also decided that I am going to try to rehab my hair, by using as little product (if any at all) and minimal styling heat to see if I can improve the health of my hair before summer. 



Yard Duty


Photo: Cymbidium Orchid in my back yard that I inherited from my mom, that finally decided to fucking bloom. Note:  The bloom is incredible, I am just a really shitty photographer. 

The Shelter in Place order proved to be just the incentive I needed on Sunday to go out and do some yard work.   So there I was for the better part of 4 hours yesterday, dead heading my roses, and planting more herbs in the herb garden.  I also decided to start weeding the flower beds.  I'm about 50% of the way done.   

I am sure I was a sight to behold, in my lovely old running shorts, t-shirt rolled up to avoid tan lines, and of course FULL makeup (because of THIS) which may or may not be the reason why I now have a fat zit on my chin.  While trolling around in my back yard, I came up with a list of reasons as encouragement for me to continue doing yard work in the near future:   

#1)  Sheltering in Place has closed the tanning salon. I have been working way too fucking hard at making sure my legs don't blind anyone with their whiteness, and therefore as it stands for now, every opportunity when the sun is out and it's warm enough to be in shorts, and outside, my ass is going to be outside trying to soak up the sun. You can all thank me for this kind act later.  

#2) Yardwork is fucking exercise disguised as something that benefits you in the long run.  So not only do I get a pretty yard out of the deal, I move my ass about, and that burns calories, which means I have more options for eating and drinking (ok, mostly drinking).  Don't think so?  Try weeding at a break neck speed for 2.5 hours.  It's like productive cardio, plus all that bending!  You find muscles you totally forgot about in the process. 

#3) I have certain neighbors who are perpetually annoyed by my presence.  Therefore I like to return the favor, and working in the yard provides the perfect back drop.  Yesterday they were treated to my sharing one of my favorite I-pod play list with them, which I sang (loudly) along to.  I hope they enjoyed the selection of Mana, Nickelback, and Ma$e, mixed with old school country for a -never know what's going to come up next surprise! I almost can't wait for the next sunny day and another play list to finish my yard chores. Perhaps next time I will attempt a sing a long to CATs. 

#4) Weeding is like meditation.  Picture it, me, working a patch of the yard furiously grabbing weeds using both hands, while chanting "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you."   I'm mother fucking zen now.  

#5) I actually enjoy it once I am out there, but finding the time (i.e. shitty work/life balance) has been hard up until now. 

I keep telling myself if I schedule it into my 'life time' then it won't be such a big mess, and hard to do all at once.   Yeah.  We will see how long I live up to that promise... 



Life on the Ranch

Sitting 'round the fire

Saturday in the midst of the Covid-19 shelter in place, I took a trip out to the ranch.   AG activities are still permitted, and we have a bunch of grapes that need planting, and others that need pruning, so on and so forth.

Plus it's where we can shoot Clays, and Archery, and ride dirt bikes, and generally be outdoors and getting some of that "fresh air and exercise" Governor Gav suggested everyone get until people flocked to all the parks prompting a total freak out, and closure.... 

We also happen to have a pizza oven and a nice little fire pit that was made out of an old smudge pot. Which makes for a great place to sit and star gaze.  

I forgot how nice it is to just walk out in the field among the wild radish.  No where in particular to be or to go.


And of course to hang out with the coolest Ranch dog!








I bought a Shotgun

I did a thing earlier this month......

I bought a shotgun. Yes you read that right.  I'll repeat it for ya.  I bought a shotgun.

My new friend "Trigger" resting on top of her travel case.
Now before some of you get your knickers in a twist, please allow me to tell you about the reasons I decided to do this, and also my experience in buying said gun, as well as what I intend to do with it.

Knowledge is power, so please sit down, shut up, and read to the end with an OPEN MIND before flipping the fuck out. (or stop reading and close this page - your choice.)

I am quite possibly one of the LAST people who anyone would ever think would own a shot gun and I didn't go into this on a whim.  I did a considerable amount of research on what type of gun I wanted including what gauge, what brand, what model,etc.  I have logged more hours of research into this, than it would take to watch every season of Game of Thrones from start to finish.

The WHY factor:

Last year for our 10 year anniversary, I bought G an over under Mossberg Silver Reserve 12/20 combo.   Since then he and M have enjoyed going to the ranch to shoot and I wanted to be able to join in the fun, but due to various old injuries of my right shoulder, stacked with my small stature using either a 12 or a 20 gauge is difficult at best, and one of the things we were interested in doing was going to shoot in competitions, which is often 100 shots in a day.  So me being able to shoot more than 3 or 4 times with control and accuracy wasn't going to happen using his gun.

The WHAT factor:

I knew I wanted an over/under.  I like the look, and it really is the "go-to" gun style for trap, clay and skeet.  After doing countless hours of research and reading of reviews, and narrowing down some of my choices (price, weight, gauge, quality) I reached out to a friend who is also a gun smith, and sought even more advice, and his personal opinion as to what would be a good fit, as well as over all quality, and value.

I finally settled on a .410 gauge  Stoeger Condor Over Under. Which weighs in at 6 pounds exactly, has a 26" fixed choke ventilated rib barrel, and is about 42" in total length.

The Gauge:
I predict that 50% of the people reading this right now are freaking the fuck out about this 'crazy powerful' weapon of mass destruction that I've purchased, and I predict that the remaining 50% (who understand gauging of a shotgun) are laughing their asses off that I got a 410.

For the former 50%, let me give you a little math lesson.  Shotguns come in varying sizes called gauges.  The biggest is a 10 gauge, then you have a 12, 16, 20, and 28.  Last and certainly least, you have what is called the .410.  Which isn't really a gauge, it's actually expressed as a caliber in thousandths of an inch. If you need an equivalent to wrap your brain around, it would be a 67 gauge.
The bore diameter is 10.41 mm.  (tiny).

Here is a look at the different size ammunition for the more common sizes.   a .410 is about the size of my pinkie, which is pretty tiny.  On par with a AA battery.
Photo Credit:  https://thebiggamehuntingblog.com/shotgun-gauges-10-vs-12-vs-16-vs-20-vs-28-vs-410/

For the latter of you who are laughing, but also curious why I would pick such a small shotgun, again, my shoulder is terrible.  If I use 1/2 oz #9 loads, I can increase my spread pattern enough to do a decent job of crushing clays, and to be honest -- I would much rather make it about skillful, than having such a large spread pattern I could hit the broad side of a barn and still break the clay.
I call that a good day

What am I shooting? 
Relax animal lovers, you don't have to keep PETA on speed dial.  The only things I'm taking down are 108mm clay targets that are also biodegradable.
Clays

The machine flings them at about 40 miles per hour.  The targets are about as fragile as an egg.  In fact the box says something to that effect, so it doesn't take a lot to break one, only a few of the pellets in the load have to connect.
Flinging Machine

Further, target loads which are some of the smallest pellets (for the widest spread in hopes of hitting the clay)  come at a maximum 1/2 ounce loads for a .410 (or about 272 pellets per shell) which greatly decreases their distance at any sort of decent velocity.

Last, let me point out that this is what is called a break barrel gun, meaning you pop it open to load between the barrel and the stock.  This gun holds a maximum of 2 shells at a time.  Even with a little practice, it takes me some time to get this thing loaded.  I am betting I can, at best shoot about 4 rounds in a minute.

What else can I do with it? 
Given the recent Shelter in Place orders, and the news turning everything into Covid-19 scare, there has been a huge uptick in the sale of guns and ammunition in the past couple of weeks.   I am sure many of you are wondering if I could use it for home defense.   My answer?  Yes and No.

Let's say you were going to break in to my house (home invasion).   I would hazard to guess that the average intruder if having a .410 pointed at them, would not in the moment realize that it was that small of a gun, as it is the same length and stock size as G's 20, with only the barrels being thinner.  Unless you are looking at it side by side with a larger gauge, it's hard to tell. If you are only catching a quick glimpse of it ... unless you are a gun enthusiast, I would dare say that coming across me pointing this at you this in the middle of a home invasion would likely make you piss your pants.

That said - to any potential home invaders our there.  Worry not, I will not shoot you with my .410 if you break into my house.  No,  I have something much more scary waiting for you.  If you break into my house, I will likely shoot you with my bow, which is also exponentially quieter than my shotgun, and the only sounds will be your screams from the pain I've caused you. Furthermore, I am much, much quicker on the draw with my bow, and instead of 4 rounds in a minute.  I can easily fire 8-10 arrows, but I'll only need one to stop you. That said, get off my blog if you are planning to come invade my home, you sick fuck.

Jumping Through Hoops
So I did a bunch of research, and then went out and tried to find as many guns that I was interested in to touch and feel in person in a brick and mortar shop before making my purchase.   I was originally planning on having to order one online, but Dick's decided to get rid of all their hunting equipment in many of their stores around me, and the lovely little sale they had to reduce inventory, came at just the perfect time.   Also, one of the guns I had my eye on, happened to be a floor sample gun, which meant that it had already been opened and shut a million and one times, and would not likely be a pain in the ass to open to load.  Hmm. a sale, on exactly what I wanted?  That could not have worked out better.

So I went down to Dick's, and plunked down my hard earned money on my new friend.   Prior to being able to take my purchase home, I had to pass a written Firearm Safety test and receive my FSC (Firearm Safety Certificate)  Which passing is 75% of 30 questions.  THIS girl got 30/30 on the first try. I also had to do a DOJ background, and wait 10 days to take it home.  Further, I couldn't purchase ammo for the gun, until after it was picked up on the 11th day. 

As a reminder to everyone out there who things that "gun laws should be tougher"   I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that criminals don't usually obtain guns legally, and aren't afraid of tough gun laws.  The process was far from fun, but worth the effort, I also learned even more about gun safety in the process (locks, safes, and other storage options) which is very important regardless of whether or not you have children in a household and proper care and maintenance.