Yard Duty

Photo: Cymbidium Orchid in my back yard that I inherited from my mom, that finally decided to fucking bloom. Note:  The bloom is incredible, I am just a really shitty photographer. 

The Shelter in Place order proved to be just the incentive I needed on Sunday to go out and do some yard work.   So there I was for the better part of 4 hours yesterday, dead heading my roses, and planting more herbs in the herb garden.  I also decided to start weeding the flower beds.  I'm about 50% of the way done.   

I am sure I was a sight to behold, in my lovely old running shorts, t-shirt rolled up to avoid tan lines, and of course FULL makeup (because of THIS) which may or may not be the reason why I now have a fat zit on my chin.  While trolling around in my back yard, I came up with a list of reasons as encouragement for me to continue doing yard work in the near future:   

#1)  Sheltering in Place has closed the tanning salon. I have been working way too fucking hard at making sure my legs don't blind anyone with their whiteness, and therefore as it stands for now, every opportunity when the sun is out and it's warm enough to be in shorts, and outside, my ass is going to be outside trying to soak up the sun. You can all thank me for this kind act later.  

#2) Yardwork is fucking exercise disguised as something that benefits you in the long run.  So not only do I get a pretty yard out of the deal, I move my ass about, and that burns calories, which means I have more options for eating and drinking (ok, mostly drinking).  Don't think so?  Try weeding at a break neck speed for 2.5 hours.  It's like productive cardio, plus all that bending!  You find muscles you totally forgot about in the process. 

#3) I have certain neighbors who are perpetually annoyed by my presence.  Therefore I like to return the favor, and working in the yard provides the perfect back drop.  Yesterday they were treated to my sharing one of my favorite I-pod play list with them, which I sang (loudly) along to.  I hope they enjoyed the selection of Mana, Nickelback, and Ma$e, mixed with old school country for a -never know what's going to come up next surprise! I almost can't wait for the next sunny day and another play list to finish my yard chores. Perhaps next time I will attempt a sing a long to CATs. 

#4) Weeding is like meditation.  Picture it, me, working a patch of the yard furiously grabbing weeds using both hands, while chanting "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you."   I'm mother fucking zen now.  

#5) I actually enjoy it once I am out there, but finding the time (i.e. shitty work/life balance) has been hard up until now. 

I keep telling myself if I schedule it into my 'life time' then it won't be such a big mess, and hard to do all at once.   Yeah.  We will see how long I live up to that promise...